4 Steps to Move Beyond the Shame Trap

I’ve been stretching beyond my comfort zone a lot lately, making bold invitations and investments in support of my business growth.

I’d been riding a high, feeling a lot of excitement with the expansion.

And then, BAM… the discomfort of being outside my comfort zone caught up with me.

As I sat in my car outside the yoga studio on Sunday, I felt sick to my stomach. There was a bubbling and pulsing energy in my belly. And it wasn’t from something I’d eaten.

It was from something I’d done.

I wanted to hide. I wanted to go back in time and take back the latest bold invitation I’d made.

I imagine you know this feeling inside yourself. It’s the shame trap.

On the entrepreneurial path, shame can arise in response to so many things:

  • Shame about not putting yourself out there
  • Shame about putting yourself out there
  • Shame about not knowing how to put yourself out there
  • Shame about doing it and it not working out like you thought it would

And in this latest instance, shame came up for me because I was bold, and stepped out beyond the familiar territory of my comfort zone.

It’s painful when we step on the shame trap and it closes around us.

So here are 4 steps to help you move beyond the shame trap:

1. Talk about it.

Shame loves secrecy. Having the courage to talk about your shame begins to dissolve it.

(As I sat in my car on Sunday, feeling overwhelmed by the shame, I called a girlfriend. Although I was only able to leave a message for her, just the step of sharing my shame helped soften the intensity of it.)

2. Use a clearing tool.

Whether it’s tapping (EFT), clearing statements (I love the Access Consciousness tools), smudging, movement, journaling, or something else, take action to release the tight grip of shame.

(I did some tapping while laying on my yoga mat before class started. Not only did this help clear the shame, it helped me remember I have power over the shame.)

3. Remember you are not alone.

Shame is universal and pervasive. When you remember you are not the only one struggling with it you can tap you into compassion for yourself and others. Compassion is a powerful healing balm for shame.

(During my yoga class, the teacher, Laura, talked about how a particular pose worked our core, helping us release the criticism and judgment we store there. My heart melted open hearing her say this. I was able to have compassion for myself and the human struggle with shame. I didn’t feel so alone anymore.)

4. Get support.

Traveling beyond your comfort zone takes courage and new skills. Enlisting support is essential to ensure you don’t turn around and that you navigate this new territory successfully.

(After yoga class I reached out to my coach. She normalized my experience, and encouraged me to keep moving forward. This was just the support I needed to let go of my shame and embrace my boldness once again.)

You are a woman on a mission.

You have a big message to share with the world. I know this. And I believe in you.

Consider these 4 steps the Free Pass that will take you beyond shame and forward on your path. (Remember the game Monopoly, and the “Get Out Of Jail Free” card? These steps are like that!)

I also invite you to pick up your own copy of my heart-based sales page checklist here.

Getting the sales page checklist that I share dissolves shame around not knowing how to promote yourself.

And learning the art of writing with heart dissolves shame around self-promotion. I’ll show you how to do this in a way that feels goooood.

May these 4 steps serve you again and again to reclaim your power from shame so you, too, can keep expanding.

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